Bored Aboard the Bebop
by Raikune
Summary: Weird title, I know. Oneshot! The Bebop crew is, as usual, complaining about Jet's cooking except for Edand Jet. Faye and Spike are sniping at each other. Something has to happen!


A/N: I do not own Cowboy Bebop. If I did, I would make Spike walk around my house topless ^_~ Also I would give Jet a big hug because he needs one (awww..) and possibly something more *cough* but I'm a wee bit young for him. Also it would ruin that adorable lonliness persona. And this is supposed to be funny. 0.o Ignore me, read the fic.  
  
~~  
  
"Eww. Nice combination, Jet. You're really making my mouth water." Faye poked experimentally at the bowl in front of her. "I know I said I was starving, but –"She wrinkled her nose. "Couldn't you find anything better? Beans, even. Lima beans. I don't care. FOOD."  
  
"Like it or lump it," Jet muttered, forking some of the...food...into his mouth and trying not to grimace. So just because it was cheaply mass-produced and was supposedly full of vitamins didn't make it five-star quality...boy, did he know that one.  
  
Jet, Faye and Edward were gathered around their communal table, which was littered with half-filled cans and cartons, and steaming bowls of noodle- ish pasta. The crew of the Bebop were, as ever, hungry and in need of serious cash. Bounty hunting pays well, but only if there's a war going on, or some criminal organization was getting too big for its boots. Now was what the cowboys called a "slow period." No crooks meant no job, which meant no cash, and...no decent food. Not that this was a surprise.  
  
Faye glanced at Ed. The genius hacker was shovelling the mess into her mouth. "Well, at least she likes it...did I say 'she?' I meant 'it'. Because no one but an 'it' could possibly eat this."  
  
"Food food food! Ed likes food! Ed loooves it..." Ein barked. "Ein agrees with meee!"  
  
"Yo, losers." Spike ambled in, having just finished cleaning the Swordfish II, and plonked himself down on the sofa next to Faye, stretching his long legs out on the table. He grinned at her.  
  
"D'you mind moving? You're in my lounging area."  
  
"Get stuffed, Spiegel."  
  
"Feet shoff," Jet mumbled at the younger man around a mouthful. "Didden I teach you kidsh any mannersh?"  
  
"Nope." Spike glanced at Ed, who was now using her feet to eat. "I'm hungry. What's for dinner?"  
  
Jet pushed a bowl toward him and continued eating. Spike peered at it and sniffed warily. "What's in it? Looks like spoilt pork with noodles and unidentifiable vegetables covered in some filmy goop –"  
  
"How'd you guess?"Faye interjected.  
  
"Well, it's the closest to Chinese food you'll ever get in your life," Jet finished. "Eat."  
  
"Yeah, Spike, it's not that bad," Faye remarked, "once you ignore the taste, the smell, the sight and the texture, it's actually pretty good."  
  
"Nice." Spike bit at a single noodle half-heartedly. He paused, then set the bowl down. "That was great. I think I'll go to my room and eat my sheets. Anyone wanna come? Dibs on the pillowcase."  
  
"What, into that pit?" Faye sneered, "I'd rather eat Jet's cooking."  
  
Spike leered. "Careful you don't mess up your lipstick..." He dodged a flying piece of pork. Ed giggled happily.  
  
"Ed wants to play toooo!" She lobbed a tomato at Faye. It hit her in the face.  
  
"Why you...! Little brat!" Faye screeched, and slung a forkful of noodles. As noodles aren't the most accurate food group around, they went all over the place. Ed shrieked with laughter.  
  
"Foooood fiiiiight!" She grabbed a carton of sauce and hurled it at Spike, the sauce missed him but splattered all over Jet's front. "HEY!!"  
  
Spike grinned, this was just what he needed to keep his mind of boredom and starving to death. He dumped his bowl of noodles on Jet's head, producing a howl from man. "Agggh!! That stuff's still HOT!!"  
  
"Bite me!" Spike lunged back to avoid the cybernetic fist that rushed past inches from his face. Jet, annoyed, resigned himself to the inevitable and flung a handful of noodles at Faye, who slopped more sauce down his front. She winked at him. "Want me to lick it off?"  
  
"Wha...?" He went slack-jawed. The femme fatale giggled. "Kidding!" She shoved some beans in his face.  
  
"You...!" Jet grabbed a carton and tore after her. "I AM NOT THIS CLEANING THIS UP!!"  
  
"That's sick, Faye!" Spike yelled, chucking a tomato at Ed who caught it in her mouth, "I'm not hungry anymore!"  
  
Faye seethed: Jet had gleefully spattered sauce all over her chest. She was just about to chuck some sushi when Spike plowed into her and they both ended up on the floor, Spike on top of her. He raised one dark eyebrow, looking at her cleavage.  
  
"Care to turn your offer around?"  
  
"NO!!" Faye threw him off. "YOU BASTARD!!" She was blushing.  
  
Spike grinned cheekily. "Just giving you what you want, babe –"  
  
SPLAT!  
  
Spike yelped and tried to dig sushi out of his ear canal. Ed leapt onto his back, screeching like a monkey, and slipped more raw fish down his shirt. "Hehehehehe! Spike Fish! Spike Fish!" Ein ran around, barking and licking the floor in equal amounts. Jet and Faye were pelting each other with food glops, it was worse then a snowball fight.  
  
The sounds aboard the Bebop dissolved into shrieks, laughter, death threats, and the sound of food splattering on the walls.  
  
"Guess what!" Jet shouted as he ducked a flying food glop, "I'm going to kill all of you when this is done! That'll teach you for wasting my cooking!"  
  
"In that case...IT'S AN ALL OUT WAR!" Spike shouted. "If anyone cleans this up, it's gonna be Faye, because she started it!"  
  
"You provoked me!"  
  
"I didn't!"  
  
"Did too!" A potato whistled past his head.  
  
"Ed started it! She threw the tomato!" Silence. All motion ceased and all eyes turned slowly...to look at the skinny fiery-haired girl, covered in goop, frozen in the act of picking up a handful of noodles. Ed grinned weakly: she knew what was coming.  
  
"Ehh...truce?"  
  
The answer was the sound of four well-aimed goo missiles flying through the air.  
  
~~  
  
Later...  
  
"Who's gonna clean this up?"  
  
"You should, because you messed up my nice boots. Those cost plenty of woolongs, and you're going to buy me another pair!"  
  
"No way! Where's Jet when you need him? I'm not touching this room."  
  
"Who knows. Ed can clean it up."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. "Ed tried to clean up the bathroom once and got my toothpaste all over the mirror." He took a sulky drag off his cigarette.  
  
"Never ask a beautiful woman to do a man's job. I'm talking about me here: you, Spike Spiegel, should clean up this ship."  
  
"You always talk about yourself anyway," Spike remarked, and hastily went into the lounge before Faye could answer back.  
  
"Oh Je-eeeet...huh?"  
  
Spike's eyes found his old friend, lying sprawled across the couch, in deep sleep. Spike tiptoed over and peered down. Jet was still covered with the remnants of 'dinner' and his cybernetic arm was thrown back over his face. Spike smiled, and took the cigarette out of his mouth. Faye came from behind him. She stared at Jet's sleeping form and blinked.  
  
"Selfish bastard. Leaves us to do all the work while he's off in la-la land."  
  
"No, he won't." Spike blew smoke at the ceiling, and grinned.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"He can do it when he wakes up."  
  
"What about us?"  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Well, I don't know about you, but I plan to be asleep in my room with the door locked."  
  
Faye stared at him. Then she grinned. "Sounds like a good plan to me."  
  
Chuckling, the two bounty hunters exited the lounge, leaving the oblivious Jet to his dreams, and the nightmare he would face when he woke up.  
  
~FIN~  
  
Um..*twiddles thumbs* that was my first ever Bebop fic so apologies if it was bit crapposo. I shall write better ones. Reviews are appreciated, flames are expected and shall be fed to my pet Balrong. Also I know this has been done before, I didn't realise it till after I wrote this..but I thought I'd give it my own shot, so...Bye! *dashes off* 


End file.
